........there was a lot of heat and tingling sensations throughout my body. At some point during this Lorne started to engage with me through his gaze and voice. It was as if his words held keys that unlocked resistance and offered a sense of safety enabling me to let go layer by layer into the deepening experience. The silence became more alive and it carried me deeper into the unknown and I became the silence. It felt as if my body had expanded out of its container and became infinite.
There was laughter pulsing through me, but there was no sound as I could not speak. The room had disappeared, there was just silence and all I saw was Lorne in front of me. He asked me my experience however I could not respond verbally only through hand gestures. All I knew is that I was him, there was no separation. I felt awe, joy and deep rapturous bliss.
Immediately after Satsang, there was a sense of ecstatic joy and expansion, much spontaneous laughter and it took a while for my voice to return. A funny part was when I was unsure whether to eat as I thought there was no body to put it in. But I just kept looking around me and seeing everything so much more intensely and saying 'this'!
This is it. wow, This!
In the days after I felt a deep peace and stillness along with a disarming of the mind coupled with a few moments of disorientation and a sense of free-falling... ...full of wonder, laughter, tears, brightness, aliveness, joy, yes-ing and sweet magical silence beyond. a profound landing of this truth. so simple. so beautiful.
"I" am both here and there. there is no defining or understanding, just being with what is in each moment. some moments feeling as before, back in my body mind, wondering 'has it gone?' In other moments knowing this is a new journey and nothing will ever be the same... and in that realization laughter and tears arise.
The mind also wants a part but I notice that there is not an interest to engage with the hooks the mind offers -- such freedom in this. The silence and aliveness is the place to settle and be. There is also some gentle curiosity arising as the days go by. Wondering how to best support this... to allow and let go, to stay with the depth of silent awareness.
I noticed during and after the call on sunday a deepening, expanding, laughter, tears and deeper remembering and a beautiful knowing connection with my partner....
Even writing this now the remembering is there, the silent beyondness opens more. This is here now -- grace so beautiful -- love so infinite. So very grateful beyond words! To put words to this feels like a container too small and tight.
C. B. Salt Spring Island, BC, Canada
Back to Cosmic Consciousness