......movements to the point where I could no longer sit in my chair and found myself on the floor. My body went through a changing and elaborate series of postures that could be likened to yoga asanas. The movements were spontaneous and I simply allowed my body to move in the direction that it felt necessary. During this time, I experienced a deep inner wholeness like being carried along a wave of universal energy, timeless and space less. The stretching and extreme movements that my body was propelled through seemed totally necessary, as if I needed him to stretch and release blocks and inhibitions from my body.
The movements felt right but at the same time were painful, especially in my neck. This was all happening in the midst of the afternoon group meeting with Lorne and Lucia providing me with support and encouragement. I am not certain how long this lasted but I believe it was half an hour to two hours. When the experience finally settled, I felt exhausted but purged, purified, and spotless, like my nervous system and body was scrubbed clean.
From then on, for the next six months, I felt continuous and deep inner and outer wholeness. My perception of everything in my environment was suffused with vibrating wholeness and silence. Everything was very beautiful. At the retreat, I finally understood that what I had been doing was constantly trying to figure out what was happening in my everyday life. I had been trying to use my mind or my intellect to give an explanation to my experience and interpretation of the world around me and it never satisfied me for very long.
I was stuck in my small mind or intellect believing it to be the final authority. I awakened to the realization that my small mind was not capable of understanding the wholeness that underlaid everything. As well, my small mind could not accurately interpret almost anything. WHAT AN ENORMOUS RELIEF! I was released from struggling constantly to understand. I could stop trying altogether. I realized that I could fall back on, I could let go to, my cosmic mind, a depth that underlaid and permeated me, a deep and completely satisfying understanding of all of the changing levels of my experience.
When I operate or function from that level, everything operates spontaneously correctly, without doubt, or questioning. I still, momentarily, become overshadowed by the ever-changing aspects of the world around me. But it is so easy to remember, to come back to that underlying certainty of wholeness and silence that I am.
B. T. Edmonton, Canada